Monthly Archives: June 2012

You have a year to live …

… how will you spend your days?

What if you found out today that you’re going to die in a year? No pain or suffering, of course; you’ll simply “walk through the door” into Judgment City, ala Albert Brooks in “Defending Your Life.”

" ... something's coming I don't know what it is but it is gonna be great!"

It’s worth renting if you haven’t seen it. Brooks plays an L.A. ad executive, driving his brand new BMW down the boulevard singing, ” … something’s coming I don’t know what it is but it is gonna be great…” and WHAM! A collision with a city bus leaves him in a daze, wearing a caftan and riding a tram to Judgment City.

Perhaps you’ve faced this truth as well, either through your own ailments or that Continue reading

‘This is too exciting, I must say …’

Watching old SNL skits featuring Martin Short as Ed Grimley is way more fun that writing about aging, no doubt.

On my way to writing a terribly poignant yet boringly philosophical treatise on “H-ing,” I found myself on YouTube. Where else? Conducting, ah-hum, important, journalistic research on a quote from a man to be admired, Ed Grimley.

After a good hour watching the few circa 1980s “Saturday Night Live” sketches with Martin Short’s Grimley I wanted more.

Here’s a homely looking guy in a super-modest (only slightly oxymoronic, I must say) apartment. Short’s Grimley is a pixie with shark-toothed hair, bared teeth, pants pulled up to his midriff. Michael Jackson stole his hand-on-the crotch gestures from Ed, no doubt. He prances about his flat, plays the triangle and dances with abandon. Would that we could all be so carefree. But wait, there’s more.

Pat Sajak is his hero, “You can’t find a more decent guy than Pat, you know.” When the devil, played by Jon Lovitz, offers Ed $50 in Christmas cash, Grimley painfully ponders his options before replying, “I’m afraid to say that I have to say no because I’m not completely convinced that your intentions are honorable and I don’t think I’d fair very well in hell, what with the heat and everything.” I can’t do him justice. Give yourself a break and watch this clip.

“Oh and I supposed that’s not fun.” I mean it! Now go. Shoo!

 

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Knit one heal two, SUH

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Knitting makes fabric one stitch at a time. It can be meditative when the stitch pattern is a simple knit-one, purl two or maddening when dropped stitches leave your work looking moth-eaten before it’s time. But what many knitters enjoy … Continue reading

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The sweetest, wet kiss

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Peaking into the wayback machine, I bet it was Lloyd Bridges – aka Mike Nelson – in “Sea Hunt” who planted the polyp in my brain coral about being an oceanographer. So, after years of snorkeling, diving and wondering about … Continue reading

Friends should make you laugh, SUH

Stay close to your BFFs, SUH.

We’ve been called “the three musketeers.” I like, “See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.” Or to use the vernacular, BFFs. We met in 1975 and, to use that classic fiction writer’s phrase, “little did we know” we would forge a lifelong friendship bound by love, truth and lots of fun.

Garnet, Robin and I – recent graduates of Butler, Purdue and Ball State – were the creative marketing department drones – sharing a corner workroom on the second floor of the 1800 North Meridian building – mall management HQ for Melvin Simon & Assoc, Indianapolis. We worked hard and played hard too – sort of like Rob, Buddy and Sally crafting Alan Brady show scripts week after week. Except our Mel Cooley was a blond.

The triad was split up by our various moves to different regional malls so we started sharing hotel rooms at shopping center conventions. Three working girls having a pajama party every night with serious debriefings: “Guess who I saw?” or “What a jerk that guy is.” or “I got a new client.” or “I will never wear these shoes again.” “Robin – I killed it – come down from that radiator.” “Ok, you want your bagel burnt, I want mine toasted and your’s is warm – right?”

We continued to room together while life gave us divorces, children, PMS and menopause. We won awards and lost parents. But honestly some of the best laughs came while we were getting ready for the convention day or group dinners at night. I still laugh thinking about three of us were sharing two sinks in our condo bathroom at Polo Towers in Vegas. Garnet and Robin were using the sink across from mine – I have no idea what dinner was on the docket that night. They were talking and saying, “SUH.”  “(something, something, something) SUH.” What the heck is SUH?” I finally asked. “What?” Garnet said. “What do you mean SUH?” “You guys keep saying SUH – what is it? “AS YOU AGE. As you age.” You shoulda been there.

Now I hear it on TV all the time. You need to use Restasis, SUH. Eventually, SUH, you may need Depends. I guess it depends. Oh, and SUH, you’ll want to stay close to your friends so you can laugh your way into old age. Laugh or cry. I prefer the former, as I age. Guess that would be SIH.